# Limited Audience Jokes

I'm starting to collect jokes and riddles that will appeal only to a limited audience. These will require specialist knowledge of various types, and will most likely be uninteresting, and certainly unfunny, to almost everyone.

But I like them. Probably too much.

 A friend who's in liquor production Has a still of exquisite construction: The alcohol boils Through magnetic coils, She says that it's proof by induction! (Adapted from a comment on reddit)

 I say, I say, I say - my dog's got synaesthesia. How does he smell? Purple.

 There was a composer named Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass, Philip Glass.

 Dr Schroedinger ... We may have a problem.

 What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski? Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski.

 What does the "B" stand for in "Benoit B Mandelbrot"? "Benoit B Mandelbrot"

 Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed. She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"? He repeats "one third x cubed". She says, "one thir dex cuebd"? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...". The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?". The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"

 A young child came back from their first day at school utterly distraught. "What's wrong?" asked their parent. Through the tears came the answer: "No one would be my friend." Parent's sibling was nearby and went out, then came back with a copy of the Periodic Table of Elements. "Here, take this," was the instruction. "Carry it with you on your way into and out of school, and all will be well." Child was, understandably, confused, but did as instructed, and came home the next day wreathed in smiles. "It worked!" was the joyous refrain. "It Worked !!" "What happened?" wondered the parent, and parental sibling replied: "If you commute with all the elements then you are in the centre of the group."

 What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A woolly jumper What do you get if you cross a mountaineer with a mosquito? You can't cross a scalar with a vector.

 What do you get if you cross an elephant with a giraffe? A trivial elephant bundle over a giraffe.

 A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text. Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing? A: Top-posting. Q: What is the most annoying thing in e-mail?

 There are 11 types of people in the world, those who can count in binary, and those who can't.

 There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand hex and F others.

  Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Knock Knock? Who's there? Philip Glass 
 One angle in a quadrilateral said to its opposite If you're 24° what am I? How would I know, I'm not cyclic!

 Why was the mathematician late for work? She took the rhombus.

 Why do communists drink fruit tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Also: http://www.ams.org/notices/200501/fea-dundes.pdf
(if you dare ...)

 My thanks (or something) to: